How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Even my vagina gasped.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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