3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
