Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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