I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
