i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
