If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
