Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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