y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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