It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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