so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
