i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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