I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
