Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
