In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
