Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
