Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
