and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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