we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
