so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
