Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
