Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
