my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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