sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
