I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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