There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
