you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
