And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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