I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
