my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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