can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
one might say we're banned from that church
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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