I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
