They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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