She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
