i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
