I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
