U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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