alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
