Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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