i need an iv and a liver transplant
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
