kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
