and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
