I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
