Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
