Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
