Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
