i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
