he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
