I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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