2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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