pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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