Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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