I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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