I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
