when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Farmville is her only friend.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
