he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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