I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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