if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
