either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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