im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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