i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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