I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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