So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
