no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
