I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
