I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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