Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
