Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
