i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
