it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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