before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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