My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
