Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
