Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
