what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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