He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
