Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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