You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
