I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His hands were made for my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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