birth control should be required to get into college
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
